Surprise

Have you ever just had one of those days where you're expecting someone to come out and yell "SURPRISE" and tell you that everything you've been experiencing for the past however long has just been a funny prank pulled by some of your friends? It always seems like once we finally find something we can count on and rely on, it all comes to an end or changes in some way that it's no longer a constant in your life. I realize that if everything were that simple, our lives would be perfect and no one would really have anything to complain about except being tricked. But even still, being tricked is better than having your whole world changed. When I first started college, I didn't know what to expect. I was so scared that I would be behind everyone and that I wasn't smart enough to even be in college. I was worried about the kind of friends that I would make and the ones I would keep. I never expected it to be as fun as it was. First semester of my freshman year was amazing! I had so much fun and made so many good memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life, but I later came to the realization that college isn't as much fun as I thought it was. I always feel the constant need to be better than others, because that's what my parents expect of me. Neither of them went to college. My dad took about 1 year at tech. school and that was it, so naturally I know more than they do. I'm more knowledgeable than them in math, science, english, and most history. It just comes from the fact that they have never had any continuing education. So because I have more education than they do, they expect me to be better than everyone else. I feel like I have to be the best, and so when I fail at something I feel like I've done the absolute worst I could have done. This semester I seem to be failing at everything. I can't even keep my emotions in check. I used to be so good at hiding my feelings and keeping them at bay. I could pent them up and then vent on a blog or something where they weren't bothering anyone. Like I said, I used to be good at this. Once I started making good friends, and I was able to talk about my feelings, they never quit coming. No matter how hard I tried, I would always end up spilling my guts to my roommate or my other good friends. I feel like I've fallen apart and I don't even know where to start the mending. There are tears in everyone's clothes unless you have enough money to buy everything you want. I know that i just have to keep mending and patching until I can get it under control again...