A question of the internal persona...

Ever feel like sometimes the only way to feel better is sit on the floor and just stare at the ceiling looking for answers? Yeah me neither. Lately I haven't really felt like I know where I'm going. Sure I know that I'm a pre-med major who wants to go to med school, but what else? Is that really how I define myself, by my studies? In early high school I had this source of identity that came from my tendency to be an introvert and stay home most of the time. I never did anything wrong, and I never had any fun. That all changed when I moved and I found people who were worth talking to. I didn't feel like I was wasting my breath just to be noticed or to fit in with the rest of the crowd. I felt like I was a part of something, and that I was right where I was supposed to be, for the first time in my life. Now everything seems to be white washed. Like everything that I've worked towards is just a faint memory of what should have been. Friends just don't seem the same as they were. I spend less time trying to hang out, and making an effort to get something together just for the sake of having something to do, and more time working and studing. Is it just that people have changed and that they don't mean what they once did to me, or am I changing? Maybe I'm not supposed to know yet. Maybe this is my chance to see who I really am and what exactly I'm looking for. Am I crazy to think that things can and should go back to the way they once were when the hilight of my week was getting a chance to see my friends? I miss the days when we were able to enjoy eachother's company. What ever happened to casual brunch or a walk down to the railroad tracks? Just for a chance to be a part of one another's lives. My friends have all become so distant and almost nonexistant in my life. I see them hanging out with eachother and never getting an invite. Thats what leads me to think that I'm the one who is changing. But can't think of any way I've changed. Yes, I've cut my hair and maybe bought a few new shirts in the past few months, but I still think the same thoughts and say the same things. Why should hanging out and listening to them be any different than they were 12 months ago? Maybe I'm behind times and what I need is a reality check. Life is changing all around us and there is nothing we can do to stop it. People get sick, you get a bad test grade, life goes on. It's time to get over it.